The day finally arrives and it’s like a normal day. Heck, to you, it’s just a normal day but to him, he knows it’s the first D-day among others to come as your life together either begins today or doesn’t. Depending on whether she says yes.
Deep down, for him to have made it through to this point and bought the ring, he is about 80-90% sure that you’ll say yes since you’ve both been ‘discussing’ married life with each other, kids and all. But he also does not know that you are still contemplating the biggest decision of your life. You’re literally going through the events that have happened throughout the years that you’ve been together because you know that soon enough, boo is going to pop the question and it will be entirely up to you to decide the rest of your life.
Saying yes to the proposal is not a big deal, saying yes to the man however, is. You have to have it all covered. Here’s a short list of the kind of guys you don’t want to marry.
- Unambitious: First, you might like to know the why. Does he hate his job? Or is he just content where he is? Is he confused? Either way, he needs to step up his game. Growth is a crucial part of life, one he’ll need to have as he gets married into bigger responsibilities. He can’t be earning #80,000 for life when primary schools cost that much nowadays. He has to aim highslow nd higher as the years go by so you may want to know if he has plans for his future before you take that ring.
- Me, Myself and I: He thinks about, talks about and acts for himself alone, never really asking your opinion, doing anything for you and never considers you when making decisions. He spends more on himself alone than on both of you combined. He is more particular about himself all the time, putting you in second place. He’s just simply selfish. If you do marry him, it’ll apply to your family as well.
- No Spending: I call him by this name because he claims to love you, but throughout the entire relationship, he has never bought you even a hairpin. Nothing for your birthday, anniversary, or any day whatsoever. He has never given you money for transport fare back home after you’ve been to visit him or taken you to the movies or on a date. Like absolutely nothing at all. He literally has never spent a dime on you. Somehow, he’s always broke. Trust me, you’ll pay for the wedding, be the breadwinner of your family with him and just never get a penny out of him. They say “put your money where your mouth is”. If you’re important, he’ll spend something, doesn’t have to be the universe. Trust me, you don’t want that ring.
- Ashamed of You: He is not cool with being seen in public with you. Even in the rare cases that it’s happened, he’s always distanced himself from you, either walking too fast or too slow or as far as exiting the scene.. He’s definitely not proud of you. He doesn’t take you to public places, he’s never introduced you to his work friends or friends not in his inner circle and maybe even his family. You only see at his place and maybe yours or he takes you to small local places. Nothing too classy. But not much else. My sister, flee! If he’s not proud of you now, he’ll never be proud of you and maybe your family with him too. So dear, just port while you can.
- Liar: A Yoruba proverb says that “he who lies will steal, he who steals will cheat on his spouse”. He lies, maybe very frequently or not so frequently, but he lies. All this is a matter of time. If he lies to you, chances are that he’ll cheat on you too. And you don’t want shit to hit the fan and start saying you didn’t know. If he lies a lot, or is good at making excuses that make sense for no just reason, run! If he’s not honest with you, you can’t trust him or take his word for anything. And if you can’t trust him, it’s no good marrying him.
There are others but I’ll stop here. Saying yes is not about the proposal, it’s about the rest of your life. Be wise!
Article by Soomto Ajanma